


your heart is open

by hallwinter



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/M, Trauma, implied self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 15:13:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13954293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hallwinter/pseuds/hallwinter
Summary: lup is afraid of change.





	your heart is open

Magnus’ cottage is the meeting place the seven birds agreed to meet up at for every occasion- it sat near the benches of the valley where Ravens Roost once stood, and it felt closer to home than even the Starblaster. When building it, Magnus used techniques from their home planet. If he unfocused his eyes enough, it'd feel just like the real thing. Before then, they had simply met at the Bureau headquarters, which were now largely desolate apart from a few employees that wander about occasionally. Lucretia has yet to figure out her plans for it.

 

They gathered the night before for a sleepover party (which, in their definition, is to get blackout drunk and pass out on the couch), and memories of the events last night are almost as blurry as voidfish static.

 

Barry wakes up in the guest room alone, the blinds are drawn shut and the blankets in the space next to him are unfurled. His chest feels tight for only a short moment before he remembers that he is safe, and everyone he loves is alive. Drowsily, he slips on his glasses and roams the hallway.

 

He's the last one up, which isn't really any surprise- he had stayed up later than the rest of the crew last night. Peeking through the doorway to the kitchen, he sees Lup and Taako sitting lonesomely at the table, fingers interlaced with each other like they were when they spoke privately. Magnus and Lucretia are chatting over the stove with gentle voices, Merle and Davenport sit on the couch with arms wrapped around each others shoulders, speaking nothing, but holding expressions that say everything for them. Barry is out of place here.

 

“Hey,” he says, voice quiet. Magnus looks toward him with glee in his shiny auburn eyes.

 

“Hey, Bar. You sleep okay in there?” 

 

Barry walks closer to Magnus and Lucretia, leaning his back against the counter. “Yeah, it was alright, but, um, you might wanna get that fan checked out.”

 

He chuckles. “Sorry, not the best with those yet.”

 

Barry laughs lightly as well- it's more of an exhale than anything else. This ambience feels cozy, natural, like the nights they spent after rough days. His eyes are directed back to the twins- he can't read their lips, but from the solemn looks they bare, he figures it's meant to be unheard.

 

It's a familiar scene- he remembers them sitting and whispering like that on the night that he and Lup figured out the whole lich thing. Taako, clearly, had been worried out of his mind, so much so that  _ he _ became the token anxious one of the crew in favor of Barry. But they were all anxious, really. He remembers Lup sitting that way with him, too, when she decided she had to confess her feelings, and he did as well.

 

“...and I’m hoping it will go well.” Lucretia says, and Barry suddenly notices that everything she said before then had become blurry.

 

“What?” He turns his head, raising a brow at her.

 

“Oh, dear, are you spacing again?” Lucretia cups her cheek, worrisome.

 

“N-no, sorry, I just, uh, remembered… something. Not important. Sorry.”

 

“You sure you’re good?” Magnus mutters kindly. “If anything is wrong you can tell us, we’re all, uh, recovering here, okay?”

 

Sweat protrudes from his forehead. “I promise I’m fine.”

 

“...okay, well, just let me know if that changes,” Magnus says suspiciously, then goes back to his conversation with Lucretia.

 

He makes his way to the twins, approaching cautiously, waiting to see if they're comfortable with his presence.

 

Lup smiles at him tiredly, a smile he knew inside and out. “Good morning, babe. Sorry I left you in there.”

 

“Don’t worry about me, dear,” he presses a kiss softer than cotton to her cheek, then sits down next to her with a hand on her shoulder.

 

“We were just reminiscing,” she mentions. Taako nods at him fondly.

 

“Is everything alright?” Barry asks.

 

Lup tucks some hair behind her ear- she's been letting it grow out some, and at this point it’s almost reaching her lower neck. “Yeah, um, I just had a bad night, is all.”

 

He rubs a circle into her back with his thumb. “Was it the…?”

 

“Staff,” Taako finishes. He looks exhausted.

 

“Ah,” Barry breathes. “Why didn't you tell me?”

 

“You needed the sleep,” Lup remarks. 

 

“You know how long I can go without it, it’s fine.”

 

Lup looks like she's taking pity on him for something. “Sweetheart,” her voice is so sincere, so gentle. “You’re so much different now.”

 

This confuses him immeasurably. “Huh?”

 

Her breath is audible; she looks down at the floor and her hand switches from Taako’s to Barry’s. Their fingers interlace like they have a million days before; caring, sensible, loving like a dancing candle flame that that had burned for lifetimes. She rubs her thumb over his knuckles, over the golden band he fashioned on his ring finger (he refused to take it off, even to bed), and he investigated hers. Their joints are familiar to each other, of course, after being cared for for so much time. 

 

Barry has several scars up his right arm, scars that he’s been afraid to show to anyone but Lup. It wouldn’t matter if he tried to hide it anyways, she’d find out eventually. She would help him through anything, but he wasn’t sure he deserved that treatment. Lup’s fingers trace his scars now, gently and idly, sending chills up his spine.

 

“We have so much lost time,” she whispers. “I don’t know your shape like I used to.”

 

He nods. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to change.”

 

“Change isn’t bad, y’know,” Lup looks him in the eye. Taako now recognizes that they need their moment just as he needed his, so he takes the hint and joins Magnus for conversation across the room.

 

“I know,” Barry refuses to make eye contact.

 

“It’s just been so long since I saw, you- anyone, you’re all different now. Almost like I don’t know you anymore.”

 

She sounds so sad, he thinks. She really has missed a lot. He brings her closer, pressing more kisses to her cheek much to her amusement. 

 

“I’ll always be with you, Lu,” he mumbles into her ear, kissing her once more there. “We won’t be apart, ever again. Even if we change.”

 

She smiles, returning a kiss on his lips. “I know, I know, and I love you. You don’t need to take care of me all the time, babe.”

 

“C’mon, you got the worst of it. It’s the least I can do.”

 

“What did I- god, nevermind. I won’t stop loving you, but you need to love yourself sometimes.”

 

“Roger that,” he jokes.

 

“I’m being serious,” she says sternly. Barry’s skin suddenly feels cold as his expression drops.

 

“Sorry,” he mumbles. Her fingers trail up his arm, over his sleeve, then feeling the battle scars lining the back of his neck. 

 

“You don’t have to be. You’re… you’re not as bad off as Taako is,” her voice is lower now.

 

Taako, notably, changed the most aside from Merle- he’s thinner, covered in scars, eyes creased and darkened, a constant furrow in his brow, and overall he just seems less full. He hardly looks like his sister anymore, and Barry can tell that’s what bothers her most. Ever since she’s had some time to catch up on lost time, it’s been distressing her, both from the events she had missed and just how much she didn’t recognize the rest of her family.

 

“We- we’re getting better, I think. I mean, it’s almost been… what, a year…?”

 

“Yeah, a year.”

 

One year and Lup’s only had her body for half of it. One year and memories come flooding back day by day, night by night, haunting them. One year and it’s still not fixed.

 

“I guess it’s just… I wish I could’ve helped you all, that’s it.”

 

“It wasn’t your fault, you know,” Barry says, leaning his head on her shoulder.

 

Lup doesn’t respond; she only leans her head on his and exhales.

  
  



End file.
